Tomorrow is my 8 year wedding anniversary to the love of my life, Noelle Marie Ritter. It’s hard to believe that 8 years ago we began a family of two. These days, with a family of 3 and so much attention going to our awesome son Colton, it’s all too easy to spend less time cultivating a great marriage. I am a man tremendously blessed to have a wife who is also my best friend, who knows how to call me out when I’m in the wrong and knows how to have my back at all times. She is the one I want to spend all my days with and keep serving God with. I cannot adequately express in words how much she means to me or how grateful I am to the Lord for the gift he gave to me in her friendship and marriage.

Is your spouse your best friend? I mean, seriously your BEST friend, your BFF? If you’re looking for a good teaching on marriage, check out this one by pastor Tim Keller (pastor in New York City and author of The Meaning of Marriage), and this is one of his greatest points of emphasis. To have a marriage that “sings” – that is better than most, one that people can tell after just a few minutes that something special is going on here – your spouse must be your best friend.

Conventional wisdom in our day and age doesn’t always emphasize your spouse being your best friend. In fact, it is oftenassumed that a husband needs “his guys” – dudes that can share life together in ways that perhaps their wives can’t or don’t want to. And the wife has “her ladies” – those close friends who divulge everything to one another, stuff their husband just can’t or won’t understand. While I’m all for close friendships with other people, we need to ask whether or not this is really the best, most God-glorifying way to do marriage.

What are the benefits, the necessary benefits, of having your spouse be your best friend? Take a look at the list below for your consideration:

You get one person who knows you more intimately than anyone else. If you divide your life between your closest friendships and your spouse, you are unable to know the intimacy for which God created marriage. If you have sex with one person, but can only share the deep pains or passions of your heart with someone else, you don’t have a BFF for a spouse.

You get someone who stays with you even though they know you better than anyone else. There is nothing like being known and still being loved. You may have tried this before and been rejected, or you may be guilty of rejecting the deepest parts of your spouse’s heart – the most tender spots, the parts where there is great pain or neglect or even anger. Work towards knowing everything, letting everything be known, and express love and acceptance.

In moments of pain, you don’t need to leave home to find comfort. When your spouse is your BFF, the person you most want to be with during moments of pain is just feet away.

Restful, Sabbath days are far more enjoyable. When the person who loves you the most and knows you most intimately is under the same roof as you, still accepting you, you can rest easy and just be you.

You will have a greater desire for HOME. Without a BFF as a spouse, home can quickly become a cantankerous place with very little appeal. With a BFF as a spouse, home is the retreat you need when the world has tired you out, beaten you up, or dragged you down.

Noelle, thank you for 8 incredible years and the privilege of being your husband. Your enthusiasm for life, love for the Lord and for others, and your continued patience and grace with me have made me a better man. May all our years God gives us together be used for his glory. I love you.